Charlotte Lee,
I sit here tonight ready to wake you in the morning to Walt Disney’s Happy Birthday To You to start a new tradition of birthday’s in our house. I can’t wait to pick you up and snuggle you and whisper “Happy Birthday” into your tiny little ear and know that I now have a 1 year old in my home. And tomorrow I’ll go through the day both very happy and a little sad knowing that you’re growing up and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. But tonight, tonight I’m going to remember.
On this night last year I was so excited to meet you. I don’t remember if we did anything special that night but I know that we were excited. I had butterflies in my stomach all jumbled up with you in anticipation of meeting you the next day. I knew I loved you and I knew you were my little girl but I was scared about being your mother. What if I didn’t know what to do? What if I messed up? What if you didn’t like me? But I went to sleep, giddy like a little girl on Christmas Eve, ready to meet you the next morning.
And on your very first birthday I woke up early, early and took a shower and put on makeup and dried my hair. You see, your Mommy wanted to look pretty when she met you. I had had a manicure, pedicure, cut and color earlier in the week and I wanted you to see the made-up Mommy when you saw me. Silly Mommy! Now I know that you love me just because I’m your Mommy and you couldn’t care less what I look like.
We got in the car while it was still mostly dark and drove over the mountain to the hospital. It sprinkled on us as your Daddy dropped me off but that was ok because we were getting to meet you! We waited a few minutes and then they took me back to get ready. It seemed kind of surreal to me and, honestly, it still kind of does. We had to wait on our doctor that morning to finish up her previous surgery so we were running a little late. We had told our families that your Daddy would tweet updates and he did tweet letting everyone know but apparently your grandparents forgot to check the tweets and so they were worried when your birth wasn’t announced soon after 8:30 but everything was fine.
We finally went in and while the c-section wasn’t the most pleasant thing I’ve ever undergone it was worth every second to hear your first, sweet cries. You were born at 9:30 am on the dot and that minute my life changed forever. You see, I knew I loved you before, but I couldn’t possibly know how much. I watched the little baby scale and when I saw them bring you over to that table — screaming bloody murder and not happy at all — I just smiled and my heart exploded with love for you. And I knew then that everything was going to be all right. That I would mess up as your Mom and you would get mad at me and I would get frustrated with you but that no matter what, I was your Mom and I loved you so much.
I remember your Daddy coming and telling me that you were perfect and beautiful. And once they got you all swaddled up and the doctor’s had checked you out the sweet doctor brought you over to see me. And she held your sweet face up to mine and I reached up and stroked the back of your head as she told me that you were perfect and healthy. And all too soon they took you to the nursery with your Daddy but it was ok because I knew that we had a lifetime to be together.
This past year has been one where I have learned some much from you, baby girl. While I hope I teach you a lot of wonderful things, you are teaching me something new every single day. I love you so much and I am so thankful that God is letting me be your Mommy.
And so tonight I am a little sad. Sad that you won’t ever be my itty, bitty baby anymore content to lay in my arms and smile at me. Sad that our time of feeding you is almost at an end and that I won’t definitely get to cuddle with you multiple times of the day. And sad that you’re getting more independent with each and every day and are already needing me less. But I’m also so happy and excited. So excited to see that independent spirit take over as you start expressing yourself more. Excited to watch you master walking and then running and then jumping. Excited to have more interaction and less one sided play. So very excited to see what God has in store for your life.
I love you baby girl. You are an incredible blessing to your Daddy and me and we thank God every day for you. No matter what we love you with all of our hearts.
Happy 1st birthday eve!
love Mommy
