Carpe Kairos

As a new Mom of two kids I’m struggling to find balance.  It seems like every day something new is pulling on me.  Kids.  Husband.  House.  Dishes.  Laundry.  Friends.  Workout.  Volunteer opportunities. Me time.  Travel.  Family.  Sickness.  I could keep listing but I’m going to stop so I don’t stress myself out more writing this post.

I have to be honest, two kids is tough!  I thought I worked hard and didn’t have any time when I had one kid.  Well, that’s quadrupled with two and James can’t even roll over yet!  I don’t want to think about what it’s going to be like with two kids that are mobile but I’m praying that by then I will have made this adjustment and will be ready to handle it.

There are a lot of things that are hard with this time period, but one of the hardest is the people who tell you to enjoy every minute.  Or who chuckle at you dealing with defiance or disobedience or spit up on your shirt, whatever.  It is hard to hear them say how much I’ll miss these days when right now all I can think about is getting myself from one hour to the next.  And it makes me feel awful about it.

Everyone says that but no one tells you how to actually do it.  And so I live under this shadow that I must seize every opportunity to do crafts with my kids and teach them their letters and numbers and snuggle with them and yet still keep a straight house without piles of laundry or dishes waiting to be seen to with a hot meal on the table every night and good quality time with my husband.  That’s a lot of pressure.

In the midst of all of this, Glennon wrote a blog post about this whole phenomenon and it spread like wildfire.  It’s all about cherishing a few moments each day but not living under the pressure that we have to cherish every moment.  Her post detailed exactly how I’m feeling.  And seeing it all over blog posts and on Facebook and twitter made me realize that this feeling is something that everyone with kids is feeling but no one talks about.

Apparently everyone feels bad that they can’t be the perfect mother and have a hard time balancing.  Everyone feels like they should be doing more to cherish time with their kids and not spending some days counting down the hours, minutes, and seconds until nap time or bedtime.  It made me feel better to realize that I wasn’t in this boat alone.  And that all those people saying how I need to cherish every minute must have very selective memories about what this time of their life was like!

Jason and I have talked about how we wish someone would have told us the straight story about how adding one child feels like you’ve added ten.  How you never have time to yourself or with your spouse and when you do you have to spend that time catching up on things like finances and vacation planning and how you’re going to fix your kids sickness or potty training that there’s little to no time for the two of you to be you.

I’m sure no one tells you because it is different for every person.  Some people said the transition to two was easy but from most I heard that the transition to two was the hardest.  But transitions look different in every family so I guess there’s no good way to tell someone, “I don’t know about you but it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done!”

Even simply writing this makes me feel ungrateful but you should know that this time is hard.  Very hard.  Some days I feel like I’m struggling to keep afloat much less build a raft and excel.  I wouldn’t trade my two little ones for anything in the world but that doesn’t mean that parenting isn’t hard.

I know that I’ll get to the end of this journey and miss the days when Charlotte runs up to me and asks for a hug and says “You’re the best EVER!” like she did in the middle of me writing this post.  I’ll miss snuggles on the couch and nursing babies.  I’ll miss fixing juice and cutting up grapes.  I’ll miss singing at bedtime and sweet prayers at the dinner table.

But right now I simply don’t have time to think about all of that.  Because I have to fix juice and clean up accidents and do laundry and dishes and pick up.  But thanks to the post that’s being read around the world, I’m going to give myself a break and not worry about not enjoying every second and instead find a few moments a day to enjoy.  I’m going to Carpe Kairos and then move on.