I am selfish of my nap times.
Being a stay at home mom with two little one’s the time that I get to myself each day is few and far between. Most of the day I’m making snacks and changing diapers and doing laundry and dishes. So when the magical hours between 1 and 3 come I tend to selfishly grab those two hours and hold on to them as if my life depends on them. Which, if I’m honest, it does a little.
Those hours help keep me sane. Or saner than I would be without them. I find that on days that I don’t get a break in the middle of the day that my patience runs out. My kindness is no where to be found. And my motivation to help anyone is lacking.
So over the past few weeks and months as Charlotte has grown and has stopped falling asleep during that time less and less I’ve been more and more forceful to remind her of the “rules” pertaining to nap time. No getting out of bed except to go potty. No calling Mommy upstairs unless you’re sick or hurt. You can play with your babies in your bed but you must be in the bed and the lights must stay off and the sound machine on.
Today I had just gotten out of the shower and was stealing a few minutes to read my Bible. I try to make it a daily thing but I’m a few weeks behind on my chronological reading which makes it obvious when I fall behind. Anyway, it started to storm and the thunder was pretty loud. I started to giggle when I heard C over the monitor getting on to God for bowling on the hardwood.
“It’s too loud God! Bowl on the carpet!”
I wondered if God was giggling too. Shaking his head at this little girl telling him how to run his world. Of course, I do that on a daily basis too but it’s not nearly as funny or cute.
And then after a particularly loud thunderous roll I heard her yell, “Mommy! The thunder is TOO LOUD!”
And again, I’m selfish of my nap times. So I sat there for a second and walked through in my mind that she’s not going to get hurt. That we’ve told her that the thunder can’t get her. That she’s fine if maybe just a little scared. But by the time the second “MOMMY!” came off of her lips I was already halfway up the stairs to reassure her that I was there and that she was safe.
I laid down with her for a second and she asked me probably ten times in two minutes why the thunder was so loud and why God wasn’t bowling on the carpet. And then I decided that it would be more beneficial to take her downstairs and put on a movie. See, I was still thinking about how I could get MY work time out of this nap time.
I got Charlotte set up under the big comforter on our bed watching Mary Poppins and I told her that I was going to finish reading my Bible and then get the computer and work next to her while she watched it. But as I looked at her snuggle under the covers with her new puppy, Flippy Floppy, I realized that I had a choice to make.
And so I forgot the computer and sat my phone down next to the bed and snuggled under the covers with Charlotte and started really watching the movie with her. She laid her head on my shoulder and snuggled under my arm and we just were.
I’m not sure that I can remember the last time I spent an afternoon this enjoyable. Snuggled with my girl under blankets. Dozing and watching a movie that we both love. Having her snuggle deeper into my arm each time the thunder roars and the rain pours.
There was a lot that I planned to do during nap time today. I have clothes in the laundry and a long to do list. I have emails that need to be returned and a house that needs to be picked up. But for a few hours today I paused and made helping my daughter feel safe and loved and secure my priority. And I hope that the next time that I get the opportunity to be selfish about my time or spend time with my child I’ll remember how glorious it feels to have a little child lay their head on me and rely on me to keep them safe. And I hope that I’ll spend more time letting God hold me in that same position when the “thunder” is roaring in my own life and things seem out of control.