If you ask anyone in our family who has the best memory, the answer will be Jason, followed by Charlotte, probably followed by James but we don’t know yet, with me falling way last. Charlotte likes to say that she “remembers EVERYTHING” and that Mommy “remembers nothing.” And, while that’s an exaggeration, I do have trouble remembering small details about lots of things that have happened over my life.
For instance, I clearly remember the time when I ran away from the babysitter while my parents were at the open house for kindergarten. I can remember some hurtful things people said to me growing up. And I remember even fewer nice things people said to me growing up. My memory is spotty and, in retrospect, I’ve found that I tend to remember the bad and not the good (or at least not as clearly).
I’m slowly but surely working my way through the my chronological Bible. I started it in February of 2012 and am finally on September 16th in the readings today, June of 2013. Like I said, slowly.
The bulk of today’s reading was Psalm 106 which has always struck me as a compelling chapter. It gives the history of Israel and, basically in my opinion, chronicles the ways that Israel has failed God and how he has remained true to them. Despite the fact that God continued to fulfill promises to Israel, to deliver them, to bless them, they continued to forget the good things that he had done.
Like in verse 13, “But they soon forgot what he had done and did not wait for his counsel.” This was right after God led the Israelites out of Egypt and parted the Red Sea for them. He performed a HUGE miracle and, still, they soon forgot and went about their lives not bothering to wait on God’s direction.
How often do I do that? God blesses me so abundantly and soon after I’m charging ahead in my own way, complaining about something or disregarding his leading, totally forgetting what he has just done for me, what he has just led me through. No, my miracles aren’t as prominent as the parting of the Red Sea, but, if I look for them, they are just as plainly there.
Sometimes I’m like that with people too. I am a perfectionist and have a hard time cutting myself any slack. I’m working on it, but, honestly, it’s very hard for me to do. Because I rarely give myself a break, its also hard for me to cut anyone else slack. I find myself getting upset from some imagined slight and recalling all the ways that this person has failed me or hurt me in the past, as opposed to all of times that they have saved and blessed me. This is a stunning character trait to possess in case you can’t guess.
Verse 20 in this chapter is probably the most chilling for me. Every time I read it, I have to stop and reread it to really comprehend that this is what it really says. It says, “They exchanged their Glory for an image of a bull, which eats grass.” God had just delivered them from slavery. He had given them Moses and a pillar of fire by night and smoke by day to rescue them. He had given them leaders and a priest in Aaron. And yet, at their camp, they made a calf from metal and worshiped it. They had just seen a miracle, and they still chose to worship something that they made instead.
This makes me wonder what I am exchanging my Glory for? Not an animal who eats grass, but something just as silly I’m sure. If given the chance of seeing them next to each other, who would choose to obsessively read a fiction book rather than meditate on the Word of God? Do you(I) prioritize children who are well behaved all of the time rather than children who love the Lord? Am I worshipping at the feet of my phone or technology or social media rather than at the feet of God? Did I just see a miracle and am already letting it slip from my mind?
I don’t want to trade my Glory, God’s Glory on me, for something as basic as an animal who eats grass. I want to remember what God has done for me, and what others have done for me, as opposed to the times that I’ve been hurt or disappointed.
I don’t want to forget the miracles but the hurt.
I don’t want to forget the blessings but the time when my pride got in the way of God’s plan.
But I know, that even when I fail and do these things, God will still be there to love me and forgive me. Like verse 8 says, “Yet he saved them for his name’s sake, to make his mighty power known.” God didn’t save me because I was worthy, but because He is. And out of his loving kindness for us, he remembers what he has promised to us (eternal life) and saves us.
Dear Lord, please help me focus on you and your Glory. I fail so often Lord, please forgive me when I do. I don’t want to fail in this, Lord. Please help me to wait for your counsel and to be like Mary and ponder the things that you’ve done for me in my heart. Thank you for continuing to bless our family. We ask that you continue to bless us and help us run after you with our whole hearts. We want everything that we do to point others to you. Amen.
