Always watching

There are times when being a Mom is scary.  Times when you are scared worrying about your children.  About their future.  Their health.  Their friends.  Their education.  Their safety.

But then, most of the time, hopefully, you sit back and realize that those things are out of your control.  By controlling their environment we think that we can control their safety.  We can’t.  By controlling what they watch and who they play with we think we can control their feelings and opinions.  We can’t.

And so we sit back and realize that all we can do is pray and let God take care of all of those things that we’ve been worrying about and not let them consume us or waste our time.

Then, because we’re still mothers, we struggle for something to worry about.  Something to focus on.  Some way that, as their mother, I can control (or at least influence) some of their lives.  And we realize that the things that we’re doing every day are the only things that we can control.

The happily (or not so happily) way we serve others.
The words we speak and tone of voice that we use.
The deference and respect that we pay (or don’t pay) to others.

We look up and see our daughter drawing on pieces of paper and bringing them to us saying that she’s started her own card business because she saw and heard me talking about mine.

We hear our son saying, “Yeah” constantly and realize it’s because it constantly comes out of our mouths.

And that’s when we (I at least) get really scared by realizing that they are always watching.  They are always watching and they care the most about what we’re doing.

Yes, the shows that they watch on tv influence them.  And yes their friends will introduce them to new things so we should be aware of who they are hanging out with.  But at least in this stage, the person that they try most to emulate, is me.

What a humbling thought.  One that terrifies me and encourages me at the same time.  One that makes me question everything I’m doing and look at it in a new light to see how they perceive it.  One that makes me strive to be a better friend, wife, person, mother.  One that could daily strangle me and leave me with no hope in succeeding if it weren’t for this.

And then I relax.  And breathe.  And remember that as long as I stay focused on God and strive to emulate him in my life, he’ll work through me to let my children see him.

Yes, they may be always watching, but they won’t remember everything (contrary to what Charlotte says).  I just pray that I let God shine through me enough so what what they remember is always tinted with his love and grace and mercy.

What verses or quotes inspire you as a parent?  Please share them in the comments!