If you know me (or have read much of my blog) you probably know that I’m a type A personality. I like things to be organized. I’m a rule follower and like things to have a result that is consistent with the effort put in. I like a schedule and for things to be controlled. I like knowing what’s going to happen and not being surprised. In other words, I like to be the one in control running my life and for things to not get in my way.
It’s hard for me to cut myself slack and hard for me to cut others slack also. It’s hard for me to adjust when things don’t turn out the way I should. And it’s very hard for me to see things happen when I don’t feel like there was a just reason behind it. Case in point, my grandfather getting lung cancer and dying when he’s never smoked a cigarette in his life.
As I’m sure you can see, this is a big hurdle in my walk with Christ. Giving up control is HARD for me to do. It’s even harder the more things mean to me. It’s hard to see a plan when all I see is pain and heartache. It’s hard for me to adjust my expectations and reality based on decisions that other people make. It’s hard to sit back and watch those you love suffer. And it’s especially difficult to let those that I love most out of my death grip to offer them to God and let him work his plan in their (and my) lives.
This year was hard for me. In a million little ways that shouldn’t have added up to much but did. In big things and little things that tipped me over the edge. Ways that I know shouldn’t have added up to an end result that did. I had a great support system in place. I have a wonderful husband who has been there for it all and I have awesome parents and in-laws to help me when I need it. I am truly blessed. But maybe the one thing that got me through it the most was Beth Moore’s Siesta Scripture Memory Team.
Growing up I knew that memorizing scripture was important and something that I was supposed to do, but I rarely did it. I would occasionally memorize passages but nothing consistently. I knew all the biggies of course (Phil 4:13, Rom 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11, etc) but more nuanced verses passed me by. I was a Christian and I had a relationship with God but I didn’t do a lot of memorization. There wasn’t a lot of arming myself with God’s word to fight off the enemy’s attack when I needed it.
I started reading Beth Moore’s blog about halfway through the Siesta Scripture Memory event in 2009. I saw what was going on but didn’t really understand since I jumped in in the middle. So in December of 2010 when I read that they were going to do it again I knew I wanted to jump on board. I had decided that I wanted to be able to rely on verses without pulling my Bible out and thought that this would be a good way to do it. As a bonus, if I completed it there would be a free weekend with Beth and Travis Cottrell that I knew would be fantastic.
So I started picking verses on the 1st and 15th of the month. I would write them in my spiral but I also put them in her app on my phone and that is where I referenced them the most. For the first few months it was smooth sailing. I would pick a verse and within a day or two I had it memorized. And then as the verses started getting longer and my life started getting crazier and I felt much worse physically it started getting harder and harder to memorize.
I’d like to be able to type now that I eventually memorized all 24 verses that I chose but I can’t say that. I tried and I can probably repeat half of them but not all 24. The amazing thing that I found though was that even though I can’t repeat them word for word I know what the verses are about. So if I am in a situation where I need a verse about, say, strength I know I have one and can pull it up quickly or can paraphrase even if I can’t get the book and verse.
One of the neatest things that I experienced doing this was how living the Word of God is. I would feel led to a verse one time and then a month or two or six later I would be in a situation where that verse applied perfectly. God led me to verses before I even needed them, knowing that in the future they would be my lifeline. Repeating these verses helped me stay calm when I was stressed out — I actually repeated all that I could think of in the OR waiting James to be born. They calmed me. They encouraged me. They comforted me. But mostly they assured me that God loves me.
I want to remember my verses so I’m going to list them all here. I started the beginning of 2011 saying that I was going to blog them each time but it got too personal and I didn’t want to share what I was going through each time. Don’t read too much in to them, scripture has a way of speaking to one person in a totally different way than it speaks to another person. But I really encourage everyone to start being diligent about learning scripture and hiding it away in their hearts. I probably won’t try to memorize two verses a month in 2012 but I want to work for one a month and if I find more in the month I’ll add them on.
I’m not going to get to go to the celebration in January with Beth Moore and Travis Cottrell. It’s a little sad but life just gets in the way and I don’t want to be gone for two trips in one month. And while initially that was a big prize at the end of the journey, I’ll gladly take a closer relationship with Jesus instead.
Your hand made me and formed me, give me understanding to learn your commands. – Ps 119:73
Therefore, since we have received a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful and so worship God with reverence and awe. – Hebrews 12:28
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32
You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word. – Ps 119:114
(She) will have no fear of bad news; (her) heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. – Ps 112:7
How great is the love the father has lavished on us, that we may be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. – 1 John 3:1
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. – Phil 4:19
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him! – Isaiah 30:18
Rely on the Lord! Be strong and confident! Rely on the Lord! – Ps 27:14, The NET Bible
The Lord is near the brokenhearted; He delivers those who are discouraged. – Ps 34:18, The NET Bible
On the day I called to you, you answered me. You made me strong and brave. – Ps 138:3, New Century Version
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. – Romans 15:13
This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. – Ps 118:24, New Living Version
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. – Joshua 1:9
She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. – Proverbs 31:25, New Living Version
Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. – Isaiah 40:31
*This was during the last weeks of my pregnancy, I needed all the help I could get! (:
From the fullness of his grace we have received one blessing after another. – John 1:16, NIV-UK
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. – Isaiah 40:29
The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. – Zephaniah 3:17
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. – 3 John 1:4
Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. – 2 Corinthians 9:7
I have created you and cared for you since you were born. I will be your God through all your lifetime, yes, even when your hair is white with age. I made you and I will care of you. I will carry you along and be your Savior. – Isaiah 46:3 and 4
*Papa’s verse and I can’t find the translation
Let us approach God’s throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. – Hebrews 4:16
But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. – Luke 2:19
*Note: all verses are from the NIV translation unless otherwise noted