The eve of a new adventure


As I rocked you yesterday afternoon, I thought about the past year.  You were feverish and pitiful in my arms and you let me sit and rock you.  The days are few and far between when you let me rock you anymore.  And while I love the feel of your head on my shoulder with your thumb in your mouth, I wish that I could rock you more without you pulling away.

That’s what growing up is, pulling away.  And I know that and am happy that you are a growing, happy, and healthy little boy.  But I’m still a little sad for the itty bitty baby that you were.  You came to us at 6 pounds and were so small that we had to get preemie clothes for you and they were still too big. You slept at my side for a month, swinging back and forth and letting the movement and the sound machine keep you asleep.

As the months have grown you have grown too and I’ve learned a lot watching you grow at a pace totally different than your sisters.  I’ve learned that you’re your own person and will do things at the time best for you which doesn’t make them better or worse, just different.  I’ve learned that you are more laid back than anyone else in the family and are willing to just go with the flow as we try and bend everything around our ways.

I stood last night not wanting to put you down to sleep.  Knowing that as of tomorrow you would always be a year and.  A year and two months.  Two years. Twelve years. Twenty years.  The days and years will fly just like the past 366 have.  But no matter how old you are, you will always be my baby.  I look forward to watching God use his pen to write your life story.  I know it will be amazing and I’m so thankful that I get to be a part of it.

Swaying gently, breathing in your damp baby hair smell, and rubbing your back I prayed,
God, thank you for this little boy.
Thank you for letting me be his Mommy.
Thank you for giving us this year to grow and learn about each other.
Lord, please bless James.  Please help him grown to yearn for you. 
Please place in him a desire to search for you and run to you so that you may come into his heart and save him.
Please bless him as he grows, spiritually, physically, mentally, relationally.
Please be with Jason and I as we teach him.  Please help us model what it means to be a Christ-follower.  Please forgive us, and help him forgive us, when we mess up and please stand in our mistakes to make your grace even more evident.
Lord, please be with those that James will grow up with.  His friends and neighbors.  Please go into their homes and help their parents teach them so that, as a group, they will live for you.  
Please be with the woman that James is going to marry.  Please keep her safe and teach her all that you want her to be as you are teaching James what you want him to be.  Please be with her parents as they raise her and bless their family.
Lord, thank you for blessing us so abundantly with this child.  Thank you for the gift of him.  Thank you for the past year of his life and please bless each year to come.

I am so thankful, James, for you and for what you’ve brought to our family.  I didn’t know how I was going to be a boy’s Mommy but I know that you’ll help me learn.  I pray that you will always know how very much I love you.  There is nothing that will ever make me love you any less than I do today.  And there is also nothing that will ever cause me to love you any more, because I love you with every fiber of my being.

I’m so excited to watch as the next chapter of your life unfolds.
Happy Birthday!
I love you,

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